By Debra W. Gould, MS Second Article In The Four-Part Series In so many ways the modern world is a blessing: for all our trials and tribulations, we experience longer lives, better health, and more opportunity for mental and spiritual growth than any generation before us.
On the other hand, with the demands of family and career, as well as the distractions of technology, we feel busier – and our lives feel more fragmented – than ever. In the midst of our hectic days, it is far too easy to take for granted the thing we count on most: the strength and support of our marriage. Most of us know better. We’ve read the articles that tell us to plan date nights, or take up hobbies together. But somehow we still feel comfortable enough to put our most important relationship on the back burner. We trust that even if we don’t tend to it today, that’s okay. Our partner will still be there tomorrow. I’m sure you can see where this is going. In fact, I’m absolutely confident that I won’t even have to explain myself when I tell you that you must not take your partner for granted. So that continually building your relationship doesn’t feel like another chore on your already heavy to-do list, I have two simple ideas that can help you cut through the chaos of life, and ensure that you and your partner keep growing together. 1 - Be positive. It’s easy to carry home the stress of the outside world. Sometimes it seems we can’t help but take our frustrations and weariness out on the ones closest to us. But that doesn’t make your marriage or your home a happy place to be. Your marriage and home are sanctuaries that need to be protected. Find ways to keep negativity out and love, relaxation, and generosity in. This will help ensure that through thick and thin, your marriage and your home will be where you both most want to stay. 2 – Communicate. It never ceases to amaze me how many couples will go through an entire day or longer without having a real conversation (that is to say, one that’s not focused on the logistics of running a household or taking care of the kids). Talking about goals, dreams, ideas, and opinions keeps each of you in touch with how the other is thinking, growing, and even changing. You can live side by side, and still grow apart if you’re not regularly sharing your true thoughts. Don’t ignore a subject because you’re afraid you’ll disagree. Working respectfully through conflict – truly listening, negotiating, and compromising – can help make the bonds of a marriage even stronger. Remember: Love is a beautiful plant – it must be nurtured if you want it to survive. * * * Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576, email: djgould@gouldassoc.com and website: www:gouldassoc.com
0 Comments
By Debra W. Gould, MS Third Article In The Four-Part Series Making sure you have a foundation you can build on.
Falling in love is one of the most glorious experiences in life. It feels like a miracle to find that person who makes you even happier and stronger than you are on your own. That person who inspires you to be your best self. There is no doubt true love is a force of nature, one to be protected, exalted, and sanctified by commitment. But before you take the step of making vows, you may also want to consider the many hard lessons learned by couples like Joe and I who have been married for decades. These are lessons that can help you avoid pitfalls that can derail even the deepest love. In my experience, the number one thing you have to know before you get married: yourself. You must know who you are, why you are like you are, what you want from life and, just as importantly, what you don’t. Understanding yourself, your priorities, and your motivations – the good and the bad – will help you know whether you and your partner are truly right for each other. Once you fully understand yourself at this stage in your life, you can move on the next foundation of commitment: shared values. It doesn’t matter if your partner likes a different kind of music, a different kind of food, or has an old friend you don’t care for. More important is whether your partner sees your life together the way you do. Make sure you have similar attitudes in all the important areas: money, faith, children, and family. You need to know that you’re both envisioning the same future and believe in the same goals -- otherwise you may never reach them. And finally, the thing that all relationships should be based on: respect. Speak with respect, listen with respect, treat each other with the patience, generosity, and kindness that show respect. This is what will keep love alive, especially through hard times. I promise you, if you do all three of these things, you will lay the foundations for a happier, healthier, more supportive marriage. Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576, email: djgould@gouldassoc.com and website: www:gouldassoc.com |
Book Debra, Michelle, Nancy or Carole for your next speaking engagement or training event.
|