By Carole Copeland Thomas
By Carole Copeland Thomas
For some, the holidays are a triumphant time to celebrate the Christian, Jewish, Islamic, Hindu, and other religious and nonreligious traditions on the season. Gift giving, office parties, and tons of food are earmarked with company bonuses, holiday concerts, and family get-togethers wrapped up in bright shiny packages. And let’s now forget the children, whose excitement and anticipation of Christmas are filled with toys, presents, and at least a one week break from school.
Those are the happy reflections of the holidays that perhaps represent your current state of mind. For others, a different picture unfolds as another season, or a new reminder takes shape of sadness, misery, and loss.
I know both kinds of holidays, including the happiness of my childhood years combined with the first Christmas after losing my teenage son. The happy and the sad times are both graphic reminders of what many people are facing this December.
For those who are struggling to get through the season, here are FIVE ways to cope with the holidays in a proactive and intentional manner. These are proven methods that have helped me in past years and should help those who need an anchor to navigate the season.
1. Think Of December As A Temporary Moment In Time
I am reminded of my dear friend, Joni Spicer, who faced terminal cancer in 2018 and how she navigated through last December. She made up her mind, called all of her friends, and hosted her Annual Christmas Eve Open House. I dropped by early on and was amazed by her courage and confidence to celebrate the temporary. She was thin as a rail but looked elegant and beautiful. Her house was decorated like a Norman Rockwell Christmas card. I understand that countless friends attended her gathering and celebrated the here and now with Joni and her family.
We buried Joni the next month, but what a climactic ending orchestrated with every last ounce of energy she had in her body. It was a temporary moment in time and a way for this courageous woman to not let death define her holiday spirit. Her act of courage will stay with me forever.
Perhaps you can find some ritualistic way to celebrate what you have in a meaningful and spirit-filled manner. Yes, it’s temporary, but it will hopefully move you through a more inviting 2020.
2. Your Loss Is Real, And Your Pain Is Normal
Perhaps there are only a few close friends to whom you can express this emotion. Most people are simply too wrapped up in their own drama to take on yours. Some people don’t care, others want you to “get over it,” and a tiny fraction are gleeful about your misery.
Be careful whose confidence you keep. When you’re in pain, emotionally or physically, express yourself to those who really care. Don’t ignore your feelings, and don’t navigate this month in denial. You’re human, and your sheer resilience should help you gain the strength and hopefulness to move forward in your life.
3. Reflect On The Positive
Our human nature and our protective emotional devices propel us from zero to 500 when events happen to us. You receive a note from your doctor that a second test is needed for precautions only. Your mind immediately goes to a terminal illness.
It's difficult to schedule a meeting with your boss about that raise you’re going to request. Your mind tells you that something is wrong and your job is in jeopardy.
Or a normal business slowdown occurs in December, and you panic with thoughts of your company shutting down.
These are all very real emotions that YOU must manage. Going to the “dark side” is a natural reaction. YOU must manage that reaction by pumping your thoughts with positive ideas, affirmations, and expectations. Do it first thing in the morning, EVERY morning to remind YOU that a positive perspective is more productive than negative stimulators. Thank your doctor for her/his proactive choice that will KEEP you healthy in the days ahead. Understand that your boss has deadlines to meet and has NOT forgotten to schedule a meeting with you. And remind yourself next summer to add on extra marketing activities so that WHEN the December slowdown happens, you’ll be prepared.
It’s a mind shift, designed to redirect your thoughts in a more positive-proactive manner.
4. Add Lighting To Your Home or Office
Depending on where you live in the world, shorter days in December might affect your emotions. That’s a real clinical condition for some, whose emotional state is directly impacted by increased darkness in late afternoons. And there’s an entire historical pagan tradition around December 21st, Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year.
To counter the darkness, add additional lighting to your home or office. If you celebrate Christmas, the lights on Christmas trees and other holiday decorations can improve your mood. So think of adding additional lamps and other lighting devices from December through March as mood-picker uppers. Fireplaces are also beneficial. Light and sunshine work wonders on improving your emotional state of being and general outlook on life.
Yes, deep breathing provides a healthy and proactive way to clear your thoughts and center your spirit for another day of adventure. As part of my morning routine after prayers and journaling, I recite a positive affirmation that reminds me to breathe and stay calm during the day. It’s a good way to center yourself while being reminded that your mind and body will be better positioned for whatever life throws at you when you practice deep breathing and staying calm. That’s my morning message to ME as I face all the ups and downs in my business and personal life.
From yoga to health regiments to working out at the gym, deep breathing gives you energy and provides the pathway to stay focused on your goals and objectives. There are countless breathing exercises you can build into your daily regiment to add value to your healthy lifestyle activities.
These FIVE steps are designed to help you pick yourself up when you feel the positive energy draining from your system. Try them and pass them on to others. Learn how to take life one day at a time. Explore ways to manage your emotional and physical conditions so that you see more promising possibilities in the weeks, months, and years ahead.
Determine what you can and cannot CONTROL or CHANGE. Adjust your attitude when circumstances are out of our control. Fortifying the positive aspects of your attitude will help prepare you for more meaningful and beneficial opportunities in your future.
You can cope! You can overcome! You can make it through the dynamic days of December.
By Debra W. Gould, MS
Words have power. They can be used to create or destroy. Used without thinking, they can stir unwanted reactions. However, when words are spoken with purpose and precision they pave the way for your dreams to become real.
So, what are your dreams? What is most important to you? If you could create or experience anything, what would it be? Is it freedom? Happiness? Fulfilling work that produces prosperity? Do you crave intimacy, a powerful partnership, genuine love or all of the above? Do you want to resolve a persistent problem? Or perhaps stop settling for less? Consider: What do you really want? Are you inspired to be healthy and fit? Do you wish to evolve into a wiser and more loving parent? Are you motivated to build a legacy? Travel? Explore? Make a difference?
Words matter because they materialize as matter. Words can transform challenges into opportunities. They can be used to gather information and clarify meaning, which open lines of communication allowing you to understand another’s point of view.
And it’s not just the words you speak, it’s the intent fueling your words, and the way you frame the language you choose that will determine whether you elicit resistance or accord.
What do you say after the words I Am? The words you choose influence how you see yourself, how others see you and what is possible for you. Do you say things that disempower or empower you? Do you say, “I’m stressed, I’m bored, I’m tired, I’m broke, I’m alone?” Or, “I am centered. I am inspired. I am focused. I am clear. I am ready. I am grateful.”
When you use the words I Am, you invoke your power to create. These words are potent! Be aware of what you link them to. The thing you are claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you.
Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576,
email: email@example.com and
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