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Thanks so much for stopping by our website. Here's a special video welcome from Carole Copeland Thomas, one of the members of Ebony Speakers. You can learn more about Carole at her website: www.carolecopelandthomas.com. Ideas and suggestions for Ebony Speakers?? Email Carole at: carole@mssconnect.com Thanks again! -Carole
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By Michelle Porchia   My 16 (almost 17) year young granddaughter, Davonna, visited me for two weeks this month. I haven’t seen her since I moved to North Carolina in September 2013. When I lived in Connecticut, she spent at least one weekend a month with me, sometimes more. It was great to spend some time with her. She is in high school, in a culinary program. She plans on attending culinary school when she graduates. So while here I took her to some of my favorite eating places. The food was a variety of cultures and presentations. Of course, we couldn’t leave out the ice cream shop of Mapleview Farms. She has now deemed it the best ice cream in the world. I also took her to my favorite frozen yogurt place. We drove cars at an amusement park and challenged each other in arcade games. I call Davonna the "Fashionista" as she loves fashion. Until a few years ago, she was equally interested in becoming a fashion designer as she was interested in clothes and design. I have encouraged all my grandchildren to do what they love, and I have supported them from day one. All my grandchildren love to read, and I am so glad. Some more than others, but all of them love books, even down to the 18 month old. Many of them are creative through art or music. I am glad that they all have a love for the arts and for education. All my grandchildren do well, if not exceptional, in school. Davonna is an honor student and we had to make time for math homework while she was here as she had to do 3-5 hours of math. Although she is interested in culinary arts school, one of my mentees took her around The University of North Carolina (UNC). She totally enjoyed seeing the school and spending time with a 21-year-old college graduate who has been commissioned in the Air Force. Besides being a proud grandmother, I’m sharing this with you because our youth are our future. We need to encourage them, support them and spend time with them. We can also learn from them. We had a great time. Although I was glad to get my space and quiet back and she was glad to leave the southern sizzling 90+ heat, we both were sad for her to return home. Enjoy the rest of your summer and, if possible, spend some time with a young person.  By Nancy J. Lewis, MS, PHR, RCC  Photo Above: Smartphone apps like Footsteps can help you maintain a healthy fitness routine. As we continue to face the challenges of life, it is critical we develop strategies for healthy living. What are you doing to live a healthier life? What changes will you have to make to do this? Healthy living is about making better choices. Consider some of the following strategies for living a healthier life.
1. Start an exercise program that works for you and fits into your schedule. This can be as simple as a 30 minute walk in your neighborhood or local park. You take the stairs instead of the elevator at work. You park farther away when going to the store or mall. The key is to begin even if you start out doing just 15 minutes a day, just do it. Whether you have a health club membership or not, allow your creative mind to explore ways to incorporate exercise in your daily routine. 2. Start using your kitchen and eat at home more. We are working longer hours, running errands for the family, and eating out frequently. It is time to go back to basics and plan dinner meals for at least 2-3 days a week. We need to revisit what our parents and grandparents did years ago and cook multiple meals on the weekend. Challenge yourself to eat more baked and grilled foods, fresh fruits, vegetables, and add more fiber to your diet. Reduce your intake of fried and processed foods and commit to cooking healthier meals for your family. 3. Start your day with inspiration. This could be reading your Bible, motivational books, or whatever provides you with peace and purpose. The key is you must continue to nourish and feed your mind with positive information in order to grow and be the best you can be. Spend time with children and seniors as they both provide inspirational lessons to help you on this journey called life. By Debra W. Gould, MS  What kind of first impression do you make on others? Have a guess? Research shows that this first seven- to-17-second interaction is critical. For example, a 2009 study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that factors ranging from clothing style to posture play a role in how impressions are formed. Having a handle on the kinds of impressions you make can go a long way toward advancing your career.
Today we are passing along four first-impression tips: 1. Be careful with humor. Although a quip or two might serve as an icebreaker, stay away from sarcastic remarks that could backfire. Because you don’t know a stranger’s sensitivities, prolonged joking might establish barriers you can’t overcome, either now or later. 2. Give up the need to be right. Confrontations with somebody you’ve just met will destroy rapport before you even start building it. Wait until you have established credibility before you challenge another’s statements. 3. Appearance counts. Several years ago, a professional colleague offered to meet me for lunch. I decided against wearing a suit, opting for a business casual dress. When he showed up in shorts and sandals, the message he conveyed was: “Joe, meeting you is a rather ordinary experience and doesn’t call for me to present a business-like appearance.” Follow this rule of thumb: don’t dress for the job you have now, dress for the job you want to have. 4. Be aware of your speaking style and how it affects the first impression. Listeners judge our intelligence, our cultural level, our education, even our leadership ability by the words we select—and by how we say them. Rather than mumble, speak so you’re easily heard. Enunciate clearly. Alter your pitch to avoid the dullness of a monotone. Display animation in both voice and facial expression. Gesture naturally, without “canning” your movements. When you make a good first impression, you’ll open the doors to opportunity, connection and success. Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576, email: djgould@gouldassoc.com and website: www:gouldassoc.com By Michelle Porchia  We are taught to talk. We are not taught to listen. When we think we are listening, we are really thinking about how we are going to respond. What has always been a puzzle for me is what is a person responding to if they are not listening to what the other person is saying? Usually they either think they know what the person is going to say or they think they’ve heard “enough” to reply. This can be the start of misunderstanding, miscommunication, and possibly the start of conflict. How many times have you said to someone “that’s not what I said.” Often it is what the person “heard” or thought they heard.
There are a few popular talk show hosts that either interrupt their guests while they are speaking, answer the question they have just asked them or lead them on. (“Don’t you agree that…” What if the guest doesn’t agree?) Don’t get me wrong, I have much respect for all the hosts. However, it is very irritating when the host asks an expert a question and then proceeds to answer it himself. One popular talk show I found increasingly difficult to watch because the hosts all talked at the same time and you couldn’t really hear the discussion and/or the answers. When some of the hosts were replaced, the new hosts had a little more respect for each other and would let the others finish their statements. They actually started taking turns. The point: Listen to the other person. If you ask them a question, allow them to answer the question. One person speaks at a time. Five Steps to Becoming a Better Listener:
Moving forward, let’s be mindful of our listening. Let’s listen to hear and to understand. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” ~Stephen Covey By Nancy J. Lewis, MS, PHR, RCC  Positioning yourself for success is necessary in a competitive world where change is the only constant. Being in position is about being open to the importance of reinventing and retooling your skills to improve your marketability in your career and business. It is about knowing what your strengths are and how to leverage them in helping you achieve success. What position are preparing for as you move forward? What do you need to do to make sure you are ready for the position you desire? Consider the following strategies for positioning yourself for success.
1. Plan for success. This requires sitting down and deciding what you want to achieve in your career and business. It is about setting specific goals with milestones along the way to make sure you are on track to have the success you desire. It is about speaking words that are creating the success you desire. It requires doing a data dump of old scripts and information from your past and downloading new software in your mind that is filled with unlimited possibilities that are available to you with your new plan of action. 2. Create a circle of eagle thinkers. Positioning yourself for success requires evaluating your inner circle of people you spend time with. It is important to create a group of eagle thinkers that might also be called your mastermind group. These are individuals who will challenge you, encourage you, and inspire and ignite you to tap into your hidden potential. These are individuals who are positive thinkers and possibility thinkers who recognize and celebrate the greatness inside of you. 3. Learn the art of connecting in building relationships. More than ever before, business and career opportunities happen because of relationships. It is vital that you become a savvy networker that knows the art of connecting and cultivating meaningful relationships. When meeting people at events spend time learning about them and what they do and establish a connection so there will be dialogue beyond that conversation. As you make the connection and follow up, that contact over time can lead to a contract. Take your time and find ways to add value as you nurture the relationship and watch it grow. 4. Ask for help. You don't have to do everything yourself. So many times we feel as women, we can do it all. We have the superwoman complex. If that is you, stop and exhale and do something special just for you this month. You don't have to be all things to all people all the time. Balance things out and get your family and friends involved to help you out. Learn the art of how to say NO graciously and be willing to ask for help. It is amazing when we learn to do this, the load we carry becomes lighter and our stress level decreases. It gives us the freedom and momentum to soar. 5. Have a strong spiritual foundation to keep you anchored. It is essential to have a strong spiritual foundation to navigate through the constant and rapid change in our lives, careers, and businesses. You must know with all certainty that God is your source, strength and shield and that as you walk with Him all things are possible. Stay anchored in your faith walk, stay true to your purpose, and position yourself to be ready for the great things God has in store for you. A strong spiritual foundation equips and empowers you to win! By Debra W. Gould, MS  Words have power. They can be used to create or destroy. Used without thinking, they can stir unwanted reactions. However, when words are spoken with purpose and precision they pave the way for your dreams to become real.
So, what are your dreams? What is most important to you? If you could create or experience anything, what would it be? Is it freedom? Happiness? Fulfilling work that produces prosperity? Do you crave intimacy, a powerful partnership, genuine love or all of the above? Do you want to resolve a persistent problem? Or perhaps stop settling for less? Consider: What do you really want? Are you inspired to be healthy and fit? Do you wish to evolve into a wiser and more loving parent? Are you motivated to build a legacy? Travel? Explore? Make a difference? Words matter because they materialize as matter. Words can transform challenges into opportunities. They can be used to gather information and clarify meaning, which open lines of communication allowing you to understand another’s point of view. And it’s not just the words you speak, it’s the intent fueling your words, and the way you frame the language you choose that will determine whether you elicit resistance or accord. What do you say after the words I Am? The words you choose influence how you see yourself, how others see you and what is possible for you. Do you say things that disempower or empower you? Do you say, “I’m stressed, I’m bored, I’m tired, I’m broke, I’m alone?” Or, “I am centered. I am inspired. I am focused. I am clear. I am ready. I am grateful.” When you use the words I Am, you invoke your power to create. These words are potent! Be aware of what you link them to. The thing you are claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you. Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576, email: djgould@gouldassoc.com and website: www:gouldassoc.com By Michelle Porchia  Beyonce arrived some two hours late to the Met Gala in New York When I was growing up, I was taught that image is extremely important. How people see you starts how they treat you. I learned from a well-known speaker that a person is judged by the first glimpse that someone has of you and then the first 12 words out of your mouth. If that is the case, what image are we portraying and what image do we want others to judge us by?
The Met Gala* was the talk on all the news programs in early May 2015. What was interesting is that they didn’t really talk about the purpose or importance of the Gala; what they talked about was the seemingly new theme of who could show the most skin. Granted, the Gala is known for its outrageous costumes. It is, however, a fundraiser and I think a little decorum is needed. The theme was “China: Through the Looking Glass.” Interestingly, some of the costumes were Japanese and Korean themed, not even Chinese. Perhaps some people needed a lesson in the differences of Asian culture. Furthermore, I read several articles written by Chinese writers who thought the Gala showed racism and disrespect. One celebrity carried a purse in the shape of a china doll. “The blunt bangs, the round face, the rosy cheeks and monolids are so pronounced that the poor doll can't even open its eyes, apparently. Because a Chinese girl can't have big round eyes, huh? It's like the haute couture version of a politically incorrect Barbie doll.” The writer also pointed out, “the sexed up version of a qipao is that it perpetuates the stereotype that Chinese women are "exotic, subservient sluts.” (Fashionista - Fawnia Soo Hoo) During the red carpet at the Oscars, the focus is all about “who are you wearing,” not that the actors, writers, directors, etc., are there to hopefully win an award for their hard work. There is a little more elegance at the Oscars but for a while, it was becoming a competition for showing skin as well. Women in videos are called not-so-nice names because they are scantily clad and gyrate. Yet young girls watch these videos and unfortunately model the image they see because they think it gets them attention. It does, but is it the attention they want and deserve? TV shows and movies have shown business women in suits with no blouses, skirts so short they never sit or are seated behind a desk and six inch heels. Why are we surprised that people actually dress like this when they come to work? Bringing back the importance of image to the grass roots level, we need to reassess how we want women to be viewed. What image do we want our young girls to aspire to and project? I was working with a group of college girls and a few of them didn’t understand why they were getting feedback that they were inappropriately dressed for the office. Their supervisors felt that they were dressing for the club rather than for the corporate arena. One young lady said she needed to find a job in an environment that she felt she fit in. She was one of the young women that received feedback about inappropriate dress. Corporate America has also swung the other direction; many have very casual environments now. When I started in the working world, I was told two things about dressing for Corporate America: 1) Dress for the position you aspire to attain; and 2) You don’t want people to focus on what you have on but what you bring to the table. I’m not saying that we should dress in sack cloths. I am saying we can be classy, elegant, and even sexy without being almost naked. I think we need to reassess what message we are sending as women and what do we want to be remembered for…our skin showing through the little bit of material we wear or the value we bring to the workplace and to the world? ================= *What Is The Met Gala?? The Met Gala, formally called the Costume Institute Gala and also known as the Met Ball, is an annual fundraising gala for the benefit of the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute in New York City. It marks the grand opening of the Costume Institute's annual fashion exhibit. Each year's event celebrates the theme of that year's Costume Institute exhibition, and the exhibition sets the tone for the formal dress of the night since guests are expected to choose their fashion to match the theme of the exhibit. Each year the event also has honorary celebrity event day chairpersons. This year's theme was China. The most recent event was held on May 4, 2015 Source: Wikipedia By Nancy J. Lewis, MS, PHR, RCC  Living an intentional life is about being purposeful, deliberate and focused with what you desire to achieve. It means you stop making excuses and start taking steps to achieve the things that matter most to you. It requires you deciding that failure is not final but merely a detour of learning on your journey to success.
This year my personal commitment is to live an intentional life. I have been doing daily intentional quotes on Facebook, Linkedin, and Twitter to keep me on track and to help others. Living intentional has caused me to be swift to hear and slow to speak and making sure the words I say are positive and creating the world I desire. Living an intentional life requires saying no to the things that are not moving you closer to your spiritual, personal and professional goals. It is okay to say no and not feel guilty when you really are determined to live intentionally. A few keys for living an intentional life:
I challenge you to make 2015 a year of living an intentional life. By Debra W. Gould, MS  Rapport opens the door to every relationship. It’s essential for success. Bringing your gifts to the world, in a way that creates value and prosperity, requires building cooperative relationships established through rapport. Imagine having the ability to create a deep, authentic connection with anyone, anytime.
What is rapport? Rapport is a relationship of responsiveness. When you are in rapport with someone, you relate in harmony. You are open to one another’s suggestions; it’s reciprocal. Rapport is a deep, subconscious connection that bypasses analytical filters. This means any judgment or doubt is suspended, and communication happens fluidly. Rapport creates a sense of closeness. With rapport, you open the door to relating, connecting, negotiating and reaching agreements in a reasonable way. Rapport as a natural action. You naturally sink into rhythm with others and harmonize when you realize--we are one. The same life force breathing you is breathing me. Real rapport is spirit meeting spirit. It’s recognizing that we are all individual cells in a unified organism, like a drop of water is to the ocean. The ultimate rapport. Ultimately, the highest form of rapport is rapport with you and you. If you feel like a part of you wants one thing, and another part wants something else, in that moment you are out of rapport within yourself. This extinguishes your power. You cannot genuinely connect with others to co-create results when you are out of alignment within yourself. Inner harmony is essential to building authentic rapport, achieving consistent success and being happy. Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576, email: djgould@gouldassoc.com and website: www:gouldassoc.com |
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