 It’s February, and Valentines Day is right around the corner! The perfect gift item for you and your special friends is Strength Through the Challenge.
Order the book at www.persistencelane.com. Debra Gould will also send a FREE copy of her book Real Relationship Requires Real Work by mail with your Strength Through the Challenge book purchase.
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By Debra Gould, MS
Watch Debra as she shares her words of wisdom in these uncertain times.By Debra Gould, MS Part One In A Four Part Series  Making sure you have a foundation you can build on.
Falling in love is one of the most glorious experiences in life. It feels like a miracle to find that person who makes you even happier and stronger than you are on your own. That person who inspires you to be your best self. There is no doubt true love is a force of nature, one to be protected, exalted, and sanctified by commitment. But before you take the step of making vows, you may also want to consider the many hard lessons learned by couples like Joe and I who have been married for decades. These are lessons that can help you avoid pitfalls that can derail even the deepest love. In my experience, the number one thing you have to know before you get married: yourself. You must know who you are, why you are like you are, what you want from life and, just as importantly, what you don’t. Understanding yourself, your priorities, and your motivations – the good and the bad – will help you know whether you and your partner are truly right for each other. Once you fully understand yourself at this stage in your life, you can move on the next foundation of commitment: shared values. It doesn’t matter if your partner likes a different kind of music, a different kind of food, or has an old friend you don’t care for. More important is whether your partner sees your life together the way you do. Make sure you have similar attitudes in all the important areas: money, faith, children, and family. You need to know that you’re both envisioning the same future and believe in the same goals -- otherwise you may never reach them. And finally, the thing that all relationships should be based on: respect. Speak with respect, listen with respect, treat each other with the patience, generosity, and kindness that show respect. This is what will keep love alive, especially through hard times. I promise you, if you do all three of these things, you will lay the foundations for a happier, healthier, more supportive marriage. ======================== Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576, email: djgould@gouldassoc.com and website: www:gouldassoc.com By Debra W. Gould, MS  As a leader, do you realize that every action you take and every interaction you have leaves a lasting impact on others? You can have the best of intentions, but if your impact isn't aligned with the intention, then your leadership may not be as effective as it could be. Why? Because in the end, what matters is not who you think you are, but the experience that other people have with you. Your impact leaves a lasting mark and this blog we share these steps to ensure you have a positive impact.
1. Detail the kind of impact you want to have. Most leaders have never detailed their personal creed, but doing so can be incredibly powerful. Therefore, get clear about who you think you are. Who are you and what do you stand for? What do you value? What is your personal creed or stance in the roles that are most important to you in your life? How do you want to be known in your company and industry? Once you have those questions answered, ask the most important question of all: "How do the things I just detailed show up when I'm frustrated or when things aren't going well? Who am I then?" It's easy to be all of those lovely things when everything is going well. But what about when things aren't going well? How do you want to show up during the hard times? How do you want to be known when things are tough? How do you want people to experience you in the midst of adversity? Most leaders lose credibility when things are bad because they haven't thought about who they are in those situations and the kind of impact they'll have. 2. Change your impact, not yourself. If the results of the feedback you receive don't align with your personal perceptions about yourself, it's time to make some changes-not to you, but to your impact. As long as the new approach you try supports your values and what you deem as important, then you're acting with integrity and in alignment with your goals. In closing, find out how others view your impact. An example of a direct approach is talking with someone you trust face-to-face and asking specific questions so you can get key insights. Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576 email: djgould@gouldassoc.com and website: www:gouldassoc.com  By Debra Gould, MS Fourth and Final Article In The Series As the poet Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: Finish each day and be done with it.
There’s nothing more comforting than coming home after a bad day to find your loving partner waiting with a sympathetic ear (and maybe even a glass of wine). But then there are those days when you both come home needing love and patience – the problem then is that it’s hard for either of you to give it. Add to that the responsibilities of family life, and two bad moods can cause a clash and bad feelings over – nothing. Or possibly the argument is over something that should be talked at a time you’re both ready to deal with a more contentious subject. It’s hard to have perspective on difficult days. But for the sake of your relationship, and out of respect for each other, don’t go to bed mad. As tempting as it might be to simply roll away and turn out the lights, this is not a healthy for the body, mind, or marriage. Anger fuels the creation of cortisol, the stress hormone. Cortisol is linked to chronic diseases such as high blood pressure and cancers. Learning to let go of strife might not only save your marriage, it could literally save your life. If you ever find yourself harboring bedtime anger, consider the following:
Most of all remember that holding onto anger is a habit that will ultimately tear two people apart. On the other hand, love, compassion, and generosity of spirit are guaranteed to hold you together. Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576, email: djgould@gouldassoc.com and website: www:gouldassoc.com By Debra Gould, MS Third Article In The Four-Part Series  In “Growing Together Part Two,” I gave some advice on growing as a couple even when your life is hectic. But I know that for some couples, the simple solutions of direct communication and being positive – while an important place to start – might not be enough to make the changes you truly need to enrich your marriage. There are times in almost every marriage where partners must commit to growing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and even physically as individuals and a couple (and if you already have children, as a family). Very often in these cases, one or both partners are caught in the trap of “if only.” Does any of this sound familiar? If only my partner would do this (or stop doing that). If only we had more money. If only I could lose weight. If only we didn’t feel so stressed. If only we weren’t so tired. If only the kids would listen. If only… What we’re really saying when we say ‘if only’ is ‘this is out of my hands, it will never change.’ In certain cases, that may even be true – ultimately, the only things we can control are our own thoughts and actions. But then again, in many cases, with forethought, effort, and a plan, we can overcome each obstacle that is holding us back. To begin, be honest with yourself. What do you need to do to improve your marriage and family life? Are your short and long term goals realistic? What will you have to do, and what will your partner and family have to do, to achieve them? Do research if needed, and write down your thoughts to help you work them out. Next, make sure your partner is on board. This might mean tweaking your ideas, and negotiating areas of compromise. Agree on the final goal, and discuss how you will face possible set-backs. Or make a back-up plan. However you do it – even if the goal is primarily focused on one of you, such as a career change – working together for a positive outcome can be an awesome bonding experience for a couple. Then, discuss and evaluate – but never recriminate. As you work toward your goals, one or both of you may lose focus. That’s when it’s time to regroup and discuss what’s working and what’s not. It’s also a good time make sure you’re still on the same page and to recommit to your goal. Never forget that you are partners; however you do finally come to terms, the most important thing is to figure out how to do it with respect. Finally, celebrate your achievements. Remember that with every success – no matter how small – you are naturally enriching your marriage by growing hand-in-hand. ================ Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. By Debra W. Gould, MS Second Article In The Four-Part Series  In so many ways the modern world is a blessing: for all our trials and tribulations, we experience longer lives, better health, and more opportunity for mental and spiritual growth than any generation before us.
On the other hand, with the demands of family and career, as well as the distractions of technology, we feel busier – and our lives feel more fragmented – than ever. In the midst of our hectic days, it is far too easy to take for granted the thing we count on most: the strength and support of our marriage. Most of us know better. We’ve read the articles that tell us to plan date nights, or take up hobbies together. But somehow we still feel comfortable enough to put our most important relationship on the back burner. We trust that even if we don’t tend to it today, that’s okay. Our partner will still be there tomorrow. I’m sure you can see where this is going. In fact, I’m absolutely confident that I won’t even have to explain myself when I tell you that you must not take your partner for granted. So that continually building your relationship doesn’t feel like another chore on your already heavy to-do list, I have two simple ideas that can help you cut through the chaos of life, and ensure that you and your partner keep growing together. 1 - Be positive. It’s easy to carry home the stress of the outside world. Sometimes it seems we can’t help but take our frustrations and weariness out on the ones closest to us. But that doesn’t make your marriage or your home a happy place to be. Your marriage and home are sanctuaries that need to be protected. Find ways to keep negativity out and love, relaxation, and generosity in. This will help ensure that through thick and thin, your marriage and your home will be where you both most want to stay. 2 – Communicate. It never ceases to amaze me how many couples will go through an entire day or longer without having a real conversation (that is to say, one that’s not focused on the logistics of running a household or taking care of the kids). Talking about goals, dreams, ideas, and opinions keeps each of you in touch with how the other is thinking, growing, and even changing. You can live side by side, and still grow apart if you’re not regularly sharing your true thoughts. Don’t ignore a subject because you’re afraid you’ll disagree. Working respectfully through conflict – truly listening, negotiating, and compromising – can help make the bonds of a marriage even stronger. Remember: Love is a beautiful plant – it must be nurtured if you want it to survive. * * * Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576, email: djgould@gouldassoc.com and website: www:gouldassoc.com By Debra W. Gould, MS Third Article In The Four-Part Series  Making sure you have a foundation you can build on.
Falling in love is one of the most glorious experiences in life. It feels like a miracle to find that person who makes you even happier and stronger than you are on your own. That person who inspires you to be your best self. There is no doubt true love is a force of nature, one to be protected, exalted, and sanctified by commitment. But before you take the step of making vows, you may also want to consider the many hard lessons learned by couples like Joe and I who have been married for decades. These are lessons that can help you avoid pitfalls that can derail even the deepest love. In my experience, the number one thing you have to know before you get married: yourself. You must know who you are, why you are like you are, what you want from life and, just as importantly, what you don’t. Understanding yourself, your priorities, and your motivations – the good and the bad – will help you know whether you and your partner are truly right for each other. Once you fully understand yourself at this stage in your life, you can move on the next foundation of commitment: shared values. It doesn’t matter if your partner likes a different kind of music, a different kind of food, or has an old friend you don’t care for. More important is whether your partner sees your life together the way you do. Make sure you have similar attitudes in all the important areas: money, faith, children, and family. You need to know that you’re both envisioning the same future and believe in the same goals -- otherwise you may never reach them. And finally, the thing that all relationships should be based on: respect. Speak with respect, listen with respect, treat each other with the patience, generosity, and kindness that show respect. This is what will keep love alive, especially through hard times. I promise you, if you do all three of these things, you will lay the foundations for a happier, healthier, more supportive marriage. Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576, email: djgould@gouldassoc.com and website: www:gouldassoc.com By Joe and Debra Gould  Debra and Joe Gould Please join Joe and Debra for an engaging conversation at STTC on www.Zoom.com every Tuesday @ 7:30PM CST for 25 minutes. Mission: This program is about marriage relationships that works even through the challenge. Purpose: STTC is really for anyone who wants or have a strong relationship. We talk about what can possibly create a strong and sustainable marriage and relationship that works. In addition, we ask for feedback from others on what works for them. Every week we will invite guests to join the program to share information about their relationships and listen to the engaging conversations. We will have engaging conversations with our guests to share information on how they are making their love and marriage relationship work even through the challenge. What message can they share with others? What do they do to stay together during the tough times? The good times? We want to invite guests that will tell it like it is and keep it real from young to mature adults. The Interview Building a strong relationship means not simply going through problems but growing through problems…..as your relationship grows you develop your strength through the challenge. Our relationship success comes from doing what other people unsuccessful relationships are not willing to do. We don’t wish it were better. We work on the possibility of a better relationship.
It was absolutely a great time to connect in an engaging conversation with couple friends that we highly respect and have known for many years. We consider them to be some wonderful people, couples to hang out and socialize with at events, friends helping each other, and a support system in our network. Below are a few questions we talked about during our Tuesday night of September 5, 2017 STTC interview with friends.
2. Do you seek out to surround your marriage with good role models and couples who will keep you honest? (Milton and Sheila Brown) Milton: Yes, we make it a point to surround our life with like-minded individuals that help us to grow as a couple. Sheila: I prayed to God for this specific prayer many years ago to bring couples into our lives that are Christian people, kind, friendly and enjoy travelling. I can honestly for sure say we have found those friends and family members in our network and we have FUN together. 3. In your marriage relationship, “How do you agree to preserve peace and harmony in your home? (Ronald and Voris Vigee) Ronald: Communication is the key. When we disagree as a couple, it is so important to address the concerns head on and talk it out. Voris: I have learned that “Compromise” is #1 in the household. That’s what makes the peace and harmony that works all the time. 4. Is it easy to thank God for your partner every day? ALL Couples Clinton: Exceptional easy to say that I thank God for Kelly. While I don’t get on my knees to pray and I pray in bed I’m thinking about how blessed I am to have her in my life. I was married once before and this time around I know it is a right fit for my life. Together we have a beautiful daughter we are so proud of and we are great together. Kelly: As we are aging we are taking inventory of what we are grateful for in our lives. I’m thankful for Clinton and our family. Life is wonderful with him and yes, I thank God for him. Milton: One couple pulling in a separate way is not going to make it at all. I can say we are going in the same direction both Milton and Sheila Brown. Thank God for blessing me with a loving wife and partner every day. Sheila: Honestly and we are being open in this conversation. It is not easy every day. Every day I do it to say "I love you" to Milton Brown because I mean it from the bottom of my heart. My first marriage was very bad and I will leave it at that. There will be no other man after Mr. Milton Brown. Ronald: I love everything about Voris. She is an incredible woman and I love her and adore our kids. Voris: Nothing is easy. Everything in a marriage relationship requires work. I love my husband and so happy and proud to have our three kids we have together. Ronald is the love of my life. By Debra W. Gould, MS  Achieving your goals isn't a slam dunk. Can you do what it takes to meet them? The first step is to understand where you are today and where you want to be in the future. Only then can you determine the path, turns and detours and the points where you'll need to step on the accelerator.
I recently started going to a personal trainer. At the beginning of our very first session, he asked, "So, what are you trying to accomplish?" "To get in better shape?" I hesitantly answered. "Well, without a clear goal, you will not be able to see your progress, you will lose momentum, and we won't be able to see if the training is paying off." "In that case, to fit in my clothes from last year and to keep up a walking pace with my husband." This is goal-setting dilemma is common with many professionals. They are ready to set goals and action plans but fall short of knowing where to start. Why? They can't address where they are today nor can they describe the future destination they consider to be success. Without a clear goal they don't know where they're headed, so any path will get them there. Here’s an example of what can set apart those people who live by goals and those who don't: They know where they're headed and they are committed to a goals routine. People who have goals know where they want to go. You might be thinking, "I wish it were that simple ... I have no idea what I want to do when I grow up, and I never have." If you're searching for your destination, you don't have to sort out your entire life purpose in order to achieve in career path. All you need to do is set a target for yourself that can be as simple as an annual target. You also need to have a good answer to the question: "Does my entire being scream with desire to achieve this goal? Will I be in agony and turmoil until I do?" If the answer is yes, then you're in great shape to get started. (Perhaps you don't need all the angst and agony, but people who are not dissatisfied with where they are don't often make it to the next level.) As you're crafting your goals, take time to identify big goals, such as becoming the high performer in the company for five years in a row or retiring at age 55. Then align these big picture goals with short term goals, including what you need to do this year, this quarter, this month, this week and today. =================================== Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576 email: djgould@gouldassoc.com and website: www:gouldassoc.com |
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