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Nancy J. Lewis, MS, SHRM-CP, PHR, RCC  In the world of business and life, it is so important to strive to make sure our words and actions are congruent. So often, we commit and make promises that we fall short of fulfilling. Yes, the reality is life happens and we forget, get busy or simply forget what we committed to. But the person, you committed to is holding you to what you promised. You may say well things happen and I just forgot. That may be true, but the world is very, very small and broken promises can come back and haunt you. It is critical that we as professionals make sure our words and actions are in alignment. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you say, people believe what you do. So here are a few questions and tips to help you the next time someone asks something of you.
1. Stop and ask yourself is this something I can do based on the things going on in my life and on my calendar? 2. Would someone else on my staff or network be able to help them with this? 3. Is this busy work I am a committing to or is it something that is in line with my goals? 4. If I commit to this, am I writing it down or putting it in my phone at the time of discussion? Determine who is charged with the responsibility of the follow up. 5. Think carefully before you respond and commit as you cannot be all things to all people. 6. Sometimes you simply have to say "NO." 7. When you drop the ball and forget, call, email or text and extend your apologies. This shows respect and that you value the person and is good business etiquette. The bottom line is we need to remember an old phrase used many times in business, "Under promise and over deliver. Little things really do matter when you are dealing with people...BEintentional with what you say and do!
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 By Michelle Porchia There are some topics that people are uncomfortable discussing. One of them is getting your “affairs” in order. People see it as talking about death or as a “dark” subject. Having gone through and still going through trying to handle the affairs of my parents, my hope is that this gentle urging will help you and/or your family members to have a less stressful journey if you ever have to deal with illness. If you are over 18, you need to have your papers in order. As you continue your journey in life, you will need to add or update your documents.
I have had many people respond, “I have a will.” That is good and everyone needs a will. Wills are for after the person passes on. I’m talking about making sure you are taken care of while you are alive and that your loved ones have an easier time. Please understand, I am not a legal expert. Full disclosure: I am a daughter that has had to deal with illness of parents and having to handle their affairs. It was easy with my mother because she had everything in order. It has not been easy with my dad. I don’t want my daughters/granddaughters to have to stress or struggle if I become ill or incapacitated. Documents You Will Need At Some Point in Your Life:
Peace! -Michelle By Michelle Porchia  Now that the hustle and bustle of holiday shopping, visiting, stressing and overeating is over, what do you do with yourself?
Are you a person who makes New Year’s resolutions that rarely get fulfilled? Do you have angst over the fact that you overspent for the holidays and now you are facing the bills from all the gifts you bought? Are you already thinking about next Christmas (you know who you are)? Do you have high hopes for a better 2019? Before we address some specific issues, let’s look at some overall skills that will help you enter 2019 in a good space. First, INHALE/EXHALE. Secondly, be still. Third, reflect. It is important that you breathe. Inhale peace and exhale stress. We tend to breathe shallow and breathing is life to our body. So take time to breathe fully and completely. You breathe from your diaphragm, not your chest. Let it in slowly. Let it out slowly. You need to be intentional about taking time to breathe daily. Really! If you want to know how important breathing is, ask someone who is asthmatic or has breathing issues what it feels like not to be able to take a full breath. We are told to “be still.” You’ve heard me say this before. We’ve become human doers and we were created as human beings. We need to learn to simply BE. We need to remember to stop and to be still. Yet we feel living is about being in constant motion. Not so. Try this exercise: Turn out the lights, light a candle or use a battery-operated candle, and just be still. Focus on the flame. Listen to your inner voice – your inner spiritual voice. Try this for at least 5 minutes. Reflect. Try journaling your thoughts. How was 2018 for you? What went well and what would you have liked to have done differently? Did you spend time with the people who are important to you – including YOU? Did you spend your time when and where you wanted? This is also where you can address the questions above. Don’t beat up on yourself. Simply listen as you reflect, access and then decide “now what?” My suggestions for 2019:
Here’s to a happy, healthy and peaceful 2019! Adapted from How To Move On After The Holidays (2012)  You'll enhance your courage and confidence in these encore blog posts from the Ebony Speakers. Happy Reading!Debra Gould
You Survived The Pink Slip...Now What?? http://www.ebonyspeakers.com/ebony-speakers-blog/you-survived-the-pink-slipnow-what Michelle Porchia Tis The Season...Or Not http://www.ebonyspeakers.com/ebony-speakers-blog/tis-the-seasonor-not Carole Copeland Thomas The History of Watch Night Services In The Black Church http://www.ebonyspeakers.com/ebony-speakers-blog/the-history-of-watch-night-services-in-the-black-church Nancy Lewis Seven Steps For Developing A Better YOU! http://www.ebonyspeakers.com/ebony-speakers-blog/seven-steps-for-developing-a-better-you By Debra W. Gould, MS  As a leader, do you realize that every action you take and every interaction you have leaves a lasting impact on others? You can have the best of intentions, but if your impact isn't aligned with the intention, then your leadership may not be as effective as it could be. Why? Because in the end, what matters is not who you think you are, but the experience that other people have with you. Your impact leaves a lasting mark and this blog we share these steps to ensure you have a positive impact.
1. Detail the kind of impact you want to have. Most leaders have never detailed their personal creed, but doing so can be incredibly powerful. Therefore, get clear about who you think you are. Who are you and what do you stand for? What do you value? What is your personal creed or stance in the roles that are most important to you in your life? How do you want to be known in your company and industry? Once you have those questions answered, ask the most important question of all: "How do the things I just detailed show up when I'm frustrated or when things aren't going well? Who am I then?" It's easy to be all of those lovely things when everything is going well. But what about when things aren't going well? How do you want to show up during the hard times? How do you want to be known when things are tough? How do you want people to experience you in the midst of adversity? Most leaders lose credibility when things are bad because they haven't thought about who they are in those situations and the kind of impact they'll have. 2. Change your impact, not yourself. If the results of the feedback you receive don't align with your personal perceptions about yourself, it's time to make some changes-not to you, but to your impact. As long as the new approach you try supports your values and what you deem as important, then you're acting with integrity and in alignment with your goals. In closing, find out how others view your impact. An example of a direct approach is talking with someone you trust face-to-face and asking specific questions so you can get key insights. Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576 email: djgould@gouldassoc.com and website: www:gouldassoc.com  By Michelle Porchia "l can't take time for myself until after I get everything else done."
This is a common statement when I ask people if they take time for themselves. Many people think that it is selfish to put yourself first. It actually will help you have more energy and be more productive when you take time to rest and rejuvenate and even do things you enjoy. Nowadays everyone is so busy going and doing instead of being that everyone needs innergizing. Innergize Day is scheduled for the day after Autumn begins every year because that is when the earth goes to rest. I want you to rest. According to Wikipedia, a "siesta" is a short nap taken in the early afternoon, often after the midday meal. Such a period of sleep is a common tradition in some countries, particularly those where the weather is warm. The siesta is historically common throughout the Mediterranean and Southern Europe. It is the traditional daytime sleep of Spain and, through Spanish influence, many Hispanic countries. The word siesta of the Spanish language derives originally from the Latin word hora sexta "sixth hour" (counting from dawn, hence "midday rest"). Siesta is also common in Southern Italy (there called riposo), where museums, churches and shops close during midday so that proprietors can go home for a long lunch and perhaps a snooze during the day's hottest hours. When I was in Italy, it was important to remember to get things done before 1 p.m. or after 3 p.m. because most of the shops and restaurants closed except those who chose to cater to Americans. I must admit, I totally enjoyed having that respite time. Imagine if we incorporated a respite into our lives on a daily basis? It doesn't have to be 2 hours. We can start small and schedule15-30 minutes a week to do something for ourselves and then try to expand it to15-30 minutes a day. Here are a few things you can implement immediately. Take Your Breaks. There is a tendency to skip lunch and breaks while we work—or we eat while we work. It is important to take periodic breaks to rest your body and mind. When you rest your mind, you are more productive and creative. It is also important to eat properly (this does not mean eating at your desk and working through lunch). Entrepreneurs: You Are Your Business. Investing in taking care of your mind, body and spirit is investing in the foundation of your business. If you are not able to work, your business may suffer. It is crucial to make health and happiness a priority while developing your business. If you work 24/7, you will burn out. You need to schedule time for you in the same way you do for your clients. You can't give 110% — you don't have it to give. Celebrate. There were two very popular songs out, "Let It Go" from the movie Frozen and "Happy" from the movie Despicable Me 2 (2013). Both songs talk about being yourself and enjoying life. Celebrate life. Celebrate the little things as well as the big things. You don't have to celebrate elaborately. You can do simple things like put on music and dance like no one is watching...they aren't. Corinne Bailey Rae's "Put Your Records On" (2006) talks about putting on music and letting your hair down. Treat yourself to a new book (and allow yourself time to read it), buy your favorite tea or latte and sit outside while you can and enjoy the good weather/people watch. Go to bed early, watch a movie in bed, etc. Whatever you choose to do is fine, just do something that is solely for you. INNERGIZE DAY “I just don’t have time to do the personal things I want or need to do for myself.” Have you ever said that? Or something like that? If you have, Innergize Day is a day set aside for you. It is a time when you can devote some attention to your own personal endeavors—a “do anything you want to do for yourself” day! Innergize Day is celebrated the day after autumn begins because we need to do as the Earth does: experience a time of hibernation to prepare for renewal. It is a forced day of rest, when observers relax, reflect, and rejuvenate. My goal is to get people to start with one day per year, progress to one day per month, then one day per week, and eventually an hour per day. It is a time of “self-celebration” to be incorporated into one’s daily lifestyle. FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT MICHELLE PORCHIA: http://innerdimensionsllc.com  by Nancy J. Lewis, MS, SHRM-CP, PHR, RCC Intentional Networking is critical to your business and career success. You may feel you are a great networker, but do you really connect with those you meet at events? Whether you meet one or ten individuals; ask yourself, how many people did you really connect with and will have conversations beyond the event? Consider the following three strategies when you go out to your next networking event.
1. Have a plan before you go to your networking event. That means doing your homework before you show up. Why are you going? What goals have you set for yourself when you get there? Is this your targeted group you want to make connections with? Is someone there you know who can make key introductions for you? Is this the best use of your time? Evaluate and answer these questions for intentional networking and watch your connections increase. 2. Get used to not giving out cards to everyone you meet. Everyone you talk to is not a connection. Business card exchanges should not just be something you do out of habit but with purposeful thought. Often times, you may exchange cards because you want to be a conduit for putting the person you just met with someone in your network. The business card exchange may not be for you personally and that is okay. The real issue we have to address is simply giving out cards because we feel it is expected. How many times have you exchanged cards with someone you talked to for a minute or two? Did you follow up with them? Did the card even make it to your credenza in your office? Be willing to have great conversations with others; and, if there is not a reason to exchange cards be intentional, polite and keep it moving. The next person you meet might be the connection you have been waiting for. That is the power of intentional networking. 3. Get used to rejection. Develop thick skin and don't internalize every conversation that didn't go the way you thought it should. Be willing to smile and realize that when you practice intentional networking, everyone is not in the same place you are. Learn how to graciously move from those situations and remember every no is getting you closer to a yes. Rejection helps develop your character and confidence as you continue to grow your business and career. Determine that your next event you attend you will practice intentional networking. By Carole Copeland Thomas Carole explores the dynamics of age and its importance in this ever changing marketplace. This broadcast that was recorded live looks at the "chapters" we create from year to year and how we can plan for future life events.
Watch this video and share your thoughts about the "chapters" in your life.  By Debra Gould, MS Fourth and Final Article In The Series As the poet Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: Finish each day and be done with it.
There’s nothing more comforting than coming home after a bad day to find your loving partner waiting with a sympathetic ear (and maybe even a glass of wine). But then there are those days when you both come home needing love and patience – the problem then is that it’s hard for either of you to give it. Add to that the responsibilities of family life, and two bad moods can cause a clash and bad feelings over – nothing. Or possibly the argument is over something that should be talked at a time you’re both ready to deal with a more contentious subject. It’s hard to have perspective on difficult days. But for the sake of your relationship, and out of respect for each other, don’t go to bed mad. As tempting as it might be to simply roll away and turn out the lights, this is not a healthy for the body, mind, or marriage. Anger fuels the creation of cortisol, the stress hormone. Cortisol is linked to chronic diseases such as high blood pressure and cancers. Learning to let go of strife might not only save your marriage, it could literally save your life. If you ever find yourself harboring bedtime anger, consider the following:
Most of all remember that holding onto anger is a habit that will ultimately tear two people apart. On the other hand, love, compassion, and generosity of spirit are guaranteed to hold you together. Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576, email: djgould@gouldassoc.com and website: www:gouldassoc.com By Debra Gould, MS Third Article In The Four-Part Series  In “Growing Together Part Two,” I gave some advice on growing as a couple even when your life is hectic. But I know that for some couples, the simple solutions of direct communication and being positive – while an important place to start – might not be enough to make the changes you truly need to enrich your marriage. There are times in almost every marriage where partners must commit to growing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and even physically as individuals and a couple (and if you already have children, as a family). Very often in these cases, one or both partners are caught in the trap of “if only.” Does any of this sound familiar? If only my partner would do this (or stop doing that). If only we had more money. If only I could lose weight. If only we didn’t feel so stressed. If only we weren’t so tired. If only the kids would listen. If only… What we’re really saying when we say ‘if only’ is ‘this is out of my hands, it will never change.’ In certain cases, that may even be true – ultimately, the only things we can control are our own thoughts and actions. But then again, in many cases, with forethought, effort, and a plan, we can overcome each obstacle that is holding us back. To begin, be honest with yourself. What do you need to do to improve your marriage and family life? Are your short and long term goals realistic? What will you have to do, and what will your partner and family have to do, to achieve them? Do research if needed, and write down your thoughts to help you work them out. Next, make sure your partner is on board. This might mean tweaking your ideas, and negotiating areas of compromise. Agree on the final goal, and discuss how you will face possible set-backs. Or make a back-up plan. However you do it – even if the goal is primarily focused on one of you, such as a career change – working together for a positive outcome can be an awesome bonding experience for a couple. Then, discuss and evaluate – but never recriminate. As you work toward your goals, one or both of you may lose focus. That’s when it’s time to regroup and discuss what’s working and what’s not. It’s also a good time make sure you’re still on the same page and to recommit to your goal. Never forget that you are partners; however you do finally come to terms, the most important thing is to figure out how to do it with respect. Finally, celebrate your achievements. Remember that with every success – no matter how small – you are naturally enriching your marriage by growing hand-in-hand. ================ Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. |
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