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By Michelle Porchia  We celebrated the birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr. in January. Now Black History Month, celebrated throughout February, is here. The precursor to Black History Month was created in 1926 in the United States when historian Carter G. Woodson and the Association for the Study of Negro Life and History announced the second week of February to be "Negro History Week." In 1976, fifty years after the first celebration, the Association used its influence to institutionalize the shifts from a week to a month and from Negro history to Black history. Since the mid-1970s, every American president, Democrat and Republican, has issued proclamations endorsing the Association’s annual theme.
When people think of Black History Month, people like Martin Luther King, Jr., Rosa Parks, and Harriett Tubman are usually the names that pop up. I’d like to challenge to explore and understand (not to take anything away from these people) that there are so many more Black people that have made major contributions. Secondly, it’s not only Black history, it is American history. Katherine Johnson helped synch Project Apollo’s Lunar Lander with the moon-orbiting Command and Service Module. She also worked on the Space Shuttle and the Earth Resources Satellite, and authored or coauthored 26 research reports. Jane Wright played a major breakthrough in cancer treatment and the development of chemotherapy in the 1940s. Percy Julian was a pioneering chemist whose research at academic and corporate institutions led to the chemical synthesis of drugs to treat glaucoma and arthritis. He is regarded as one of the most influential chemists in American history. Frederick M. Jones invented the Air Conditioner (AC). Alexander Miles invented the Elevator. Osbourn Dorsey invented the Door Knob/Door Stopper. Garrett Morgan was the inventor of Traffic Light/Gas Mask. J. Standard invented the Refrigerator. T.A Carrington was the inventor of the Stove. Joseph N. Jackson invented and patented the TV Remote Control. Thomas Stewart was the inventor of the Mop. Mary Van Brittan Brown invented the Home Security System Co in 1966. Frederick McKinley Jones invented the Refrigerated Trucks in 1940. Shirley Ann Jackson conducted breakthrough research that led others to invent Caller ID and Call Waiting. Alexander Miles invented the Automatic Elevator Doors in 1887. Lewis Latimer invented the Carbon Light Bulb Filament in 1881. Elijah McCoy invented a lubrication device to make railroad operations more efficient. Daniel Hale Williams was also one of the first physicians to successfully complete pericardial surgery on a patient. Williams later became chief surgeon of the Freedmen’s Hospital. This list barely touches on the many contributions that Black people have made to American history and everyday life. It is unfortunate that we have some states and people who are trying to change the contributions that Black people have made in history; for example, saying slaves were happy and they “worked” for plantation owners. My hopes are that we won’t need Black History Month in the future because I would like to believe that students will be taught “history” and the contributions ALL people have made to history, regardless of their color or gender. This would also impact the understanding of diversity. Until then, let us start learning about the various contributions people of color have made. There is more to Black people than slavery and protests.
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By Carole Copeland Thomas  By Carole Copeland Thomas
For some, the holidays are a triumphant time to celebrate the Christian, Jewish, Islamic, Hindu, and other religious and nonreligious traditions on the season. Gift giving, office parties, and tons of food are earmarked with company bonuses, holiday concerts, and family get-togethers wrapped up in bright shiny packages. And let’s now forget the children, whose excitement and anticipation of Christmas are filled with toys, presents, and at least a one week break from school. Those are the happy reflections of the holidays that perhaps represent your current state of mind. For others, a different picture unfolds as another season, or a new reminder takes shape of sadness, misery, and loss. I know both kinds of holidays, including the happiness of my childhood years combined with the first Christmas after losing my teenage son. The happy and the sad times are both graphic reminders of what many people are facing this December. For those who are struggling to get through the season, here are FIVE ways to cope with the holidays in a proactive and intentional manner. These are proven methods that have helped me in past years and should help those who need an anchor to navigate the season. 1. Think Of December As A Temporary Moment In Time I am reminded of my dear friend, Joni Spicer, who faced terminal cancer in 2018 and how she navigated through last December. She made up her mind, called all of her friends, and hosted her Annual Christmas Eve Open House. I dropped by early on and was amazed by her courage and confidence to celebrate the temporary. She was thin as a rail but looked elegant and beautiful. Her house was decorated like a Norman Rockwell Christmas card. I understand that countless friends attended her gathering and celebrated the here and now with Joni and her family. We buried Joni the next month, but what a climactic ending orchestrated with every last ounce of energy she had in her body. It was a temporary moment in time and a way for this courageous woman to not let death define her holiday spirit. Her act of courage will stay with me forever. Perhaps you can find some ritualistic way to celebrate what you have in a meaningful and spirit-filled manner. Yes, it’s temporary, but it will hopefully move you through a more inviting 2020. 2. Your Loss Is Real, And Your Pain Is Normal Perhaps there are only a few close friends to whom you can express this emotion. Most people are simply too wrapped up in their own drama to take on yours. Some people don’t care, others want you to “get over it,” and a tiny fraction are gleeful about your misery. Be careful whose confidence you keep. When you’re in pain, emotionally or physically, express yourself to those who really care. Don’t ignore your feelings, and don’t navigate this month in denial. You’re human, and your sheer resilience should help you gain the strength and hopefulness to move forward in your life. 3. Reflect On The Positive Our human nature and our protective emotional devices propel us from zero to 500 when events happen to us. You receive a note from your doctor that a second test is needed for precautions only. Your mind immediately goes to a terminal illness. It's difficult to schedule a meeting with your boss about that raise you’re going to request. Your mind tells you that something is wrong and your job is in jeopardy. Or a normal business slowdown occurs in December, and you panic with thoughts of your company shutting down. These are all very real emotions that YOU must manage. Going to the “dark side” is a natural reaction. YOU must manage that reaction by pumping your thoughts with positive ideas, affirmations, and expectations. Do it first thing in the morning, EVERY morning to remind YOU that a positive perspective is more productive than negative stimulators. Thank your doctor for her/his proactive choice that will KEEP you healthy in the days ahead. Understand that your boss has deadlines to meet and has NOT forgotten to schedule a meeting with you. And remind yourself next summer to add on extra marketing activities so that WHEN the December slowdown happens, you’ll be prepared. It’s a mind shift, designed to redirect your thoughts in a more positive-proactive manner. 4. Add Lighting To Your Home or Office Depending on where you live in the world, shorter days in December might affect your emotions. That’s a real clinical condition for some, whose emotional state is directly impacted by increased darkness in late afternoons. And there’s an entire historical pagan tradition around December 21st, Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year. To counter the darkness, add additional lighting to your home or office. If you celebrate Christmas, the lights on Christmas trees and other holiday decorations can improve your mood. So think of adding additional lamps and other lighting devices from December through March as mood-picker uppers. Fireplaces are also beneficial. Light and sunshine work wonders on improving your emotional state of being and general outlook on life. 5. BREATHE Yes, deep breathing provides a healthy and proactive way to clear your thoughts and center your spirit for another day of adventure. As part of my morning routine after prayers and journaling, I recite a positive affirmation that reminds me to breathe and stay calm during the day. It’s a good way to center yourself while being reminded that your mind and body will be better positioned for whatever life throws at you when you practice deep breathing and staying calm. That’s my morning message to ME as I face all the ups and downs in my business and personal life. From yoga to health regiments to working out at the gym, deep breathing gives you energy and provides the pathway to stay focused on your goals and objectives. There are countless breathing exercises you can build into your daily regiment to add value to your healthy lifestyle activities. These FIVE steps are designed to help you pick yourself up when you feel the positive energy draining from your system. Try them and pass them on to others. Learn how to take life one day at a time. Explore ways to manage your emotional and physical conditions so that you see more promising possibilities in the weeks, months, and years ahead. Determine what you can and cannot CONTROL or CHANGE. Adjust your attitude when circumstances are out of our control. Fortifying the positive aspects of your attitude will help prepare you for more meaningful and beneficial opportunities in your future. You can cope! You can overcome! You can make it through the dynamic days of December. By Debra Gould, MS Part Four In A Four Part Series As the poet Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: Finish each day and be done with it.  There’s nothing more comforting than coming home after a bad day to find your loving partner waiting with a sympathetic ear (and maybe even a glass of wine). But then there are those days when you both come home needing love and patience – the problem then is that it’s hard for either of you to give it. Add to that the responsibilities of family life, and two bad moods can cause a clash and bad feelings over – nothing. Or possibly the argument is over something that should be talked at a time you’re both ready to deal with a more contentious subject. It’s hard to have perspective on difficult days. But for the sake of your relationship, and out of respect for each other, don’t go to bed mad. As tempting as it might be to simply roll away and turn out the lights, this is not a healthy for the body, mind, or marriage. Anger fuels the creation of cortisol, the stress hormone. Cortisol is linked to chronic diseases such as high blood pressure and cancers. Learning to let go of strife might not only save your marriage, it could literally save your life. If you ever find yourself harboring bedtime anger, consider the following:
Most of all remember that holding onto anger is a habit that will ultimately tear two people apart. On the other hand, love, compassion, and generosity of spirit are guaranteed to hold you together. Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576, email: djgould@gouldassoc.com and website: www:gouldassoc.com By Debra Gould, MS Part Three In A Four Part Series  In “Growing Together, Part One” I gave some advice on growing as a couple even when your life is hectic. But I know that for some couples, the simple solutions of direct communication and being positive – while an important place to start – might not be enough to make the changes you truly need to enrich your marriage.
There are times in almost every marriage where partners must commit to growing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and even physically as individuals and a couple (and if you already have children, as a family). Very often in these cases, one or both partners are caught in the trap of “if only.” Does any of this sound familiar? If only my partner would do this (or stop doing that). If only we had more money. If only I could lose weight. If only we didn’t feel so stressed. If only we weren’t so tired. If only the kids would listen. If only… What we’re really saying when we say ‘if only’ is ‘this is out of my hands, it will never change.’ In certain cases, that may even be true – ultimately, the only things we can control are our own thoughts and actions. But then again, in many cases, with forethought, effort, and a plan, we can overcome each obstacle that is holding us back. To begin, be honest with yourself. What do you need to do to improve your marriage and family life? Are your short and long term goals realistic? What will you have to do, and what will your partner and family have to do, to achieve them? Do research if needed, and write down your thoughts to help you work them out. Next, make sure your partner is on board. This might mean tweaking your ideas, and negotiating areas of compromise. Agree on the final goal, and discuss how you will face possible set-backs. Or make a back-up plan. However you do it – even if the goal is primarily focused on one of you, such as a career change – working together for a positive outcome can be an awesome bonding experience for a couple. Then, discuss and evaluate – but never recriminate. As you work toward your goals, one or both of you may lose focus. That’s when it’s time to regroup and discuss what’s working and what’s not. It’s also a good time make sure you’re still on the same page and to recommit to your goal. Never forget that you are partners; however you do finally come to terms, the most important thing is to figure out how to do it with respect. Finally, celebrate your achievements. Remember that with every success – no matter how small – you are naturally enriching your marriage by growing hand-in-hand. ====================== Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576, email: djgould@gouldassoc.com and website: www:gouldassoc.com By Debra Gould, MS Part Two In A Four Part Series  In so many ways the modern world is a blessing: for all our trials and tribulations, we experience longer lives, better health, and more opportunity for mental and spiritual growth than any generation before us.
On the other hand, with the demands of family and career, as well as the distractions of technology, we feel busier – and our lives feel more fragmented – than ever. In the midst of our hectic days, it is far too easy to take for granted the thing we count on most: the strength and support of our marriage. Most of us know better. We’ve read the articles that tell us to plan date nights, or take up hobbies together. But somehow we still feel comfortable enough to put our most important relationship on the back burner. We trust that even if we don’t tend to it today, that’s okay. Our partner will still be there tomorrow. I’m sure you can see where this is going. In fact, I’m absolutely confident that I won’t even have to explain myself when I tell you that you must not take your partner for granted. So that continually building your relationship doesn’t feel like another chore on your already heavy to-do list, I have two simple ideas that can help you cut through the chaos of life, and ensure that you and your partner keep growing together. 1 - Be positive. It’s easy to carry home the stress of the outside world. Sometimes it seems we can’t help but take our frustrations and weariness out on the ones closest to us. But that doesn’t make your marriage or your home a happy place to be. Your marriage and home are sanctuaries that need to be protected. Find ways to keep negativity out and love, relaxation, and generosity in. This will help ensure that through thick and thin, your marriage and your home will be where you both most want to stay. 2 – Communicate. It never ceases to amaze me how many couples will go through an entire day or longer without having a real conversation (that is to say, one that’s not focused on the logistics of running a household or taking care of the kids). Talking about goals, dreams, ideas, and opinions keeps each of you in touch with how the other is thinking, growing, and even changing. You can live side by side, and still grow apart if you’re not regularly sharing your true thoughts. Don’t ignore a subject because you’re afraid you’ll disagree. Working respectfully through conflict – truly listening, negotiating, and compromising – can help make the bonds of a marriage even stronger. Remember: Love is a beautiful plant – it must be nurtured if you want it to survive. ========================== Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576, email: djgould@gouldassoc.com and website: www:gouldassoc.com By Debra Gould, MS Part One In A Four Part Series  Making sure you have a foundation you can build on.
Falling in love is one of the most glorious experiences in life. It feels like a miracle to find that person who makes you even happier and stronger than you are on your own. That person who inspires you to be your best self. There is no doubt true love is a force of nature, one to be protected, exalted, and sanctified by commitment. But before you take the step of making vows, you may also want to consider the many hard lessons learned by couples like Joe and I who have been married for decades. These are lessons that can help you avoid pitfalls that can derail even the deepest love. In my experience, the number one thing you have to know before you get married: yourself. You must know who you are, why you are like you are, what you want from life and, just as importantly, what you don’t. Understanding yourself, your priorities, and your motivations – the good and the bad – will help you know whether you and your partner are truly right for each other. Once you fully understand yourself at this stage in your life, you can move on the next foundation of commitment: shared values. It doesn’t matter if your partner likes a different kind of music, a different kind of food, or has an old friend you don’t care for. More important is whether your partner sees your life together the way you do. Make sure you have similar attitudes in all the important areas: money, faith, children, and family. You need to know that you’re both envisioning the same future and believe in the same goals -- otherwise you may never reach them. And finally, the thing that all relationships should be based on: respect. Speak with respect, listen with respect, treat each other with the patience, generosity, and kindness that show respect. This is what will keep love alive, especially through hard times. I promise you, if you do all three of these things, you will lay the foundations for a happier, healthier, more supportive marriage. ======================== Debra W. Gould, MS is the president of Debra Gould & Associates, Inc. based in New Orleans and provides management consulting and training services to commercial and government clients. Debra is one of the founders of The Ebony Speakers and co-author of the book, Real Women, Real Issues - Positive Collaborations For Business Success. Debra can be reached at: (504) 244-6576, email: djgould@gouldassoc.com and website: www:gouldassoc.com Nancy J. Lewis, MS, SHRM-CP, PHR, RCC  In the world of business and life, it is so important to strive to make sure our words and actions are congruent. So often, we commit and make promises that we fall short of fulfilling. Yes, the reality is life happens and we forget, get busy or simply forget what we committed to. But the person, you committed to is holding you to what you promised. You may say well things happen and I just forgot. That may be true, but the world is very, very small and broken promises can come back and haunt you. It is critical that we as professionals make sure our words and actions are in alignment. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you say, people believe what you do. So here are a few questions and tips to help you the next time someone asks something of you.
1. Stop and ask yourself is this something I can do based on the things going on in my life and on my calendar? 2. Would someone else on my staff or network be able to help them with this? 3. Is this busy work I am a committing to or is it something that is in line with my goals? 4. If I commit to this, am I writing it down or putting it in my phone at the time of discussion? Determine who is charged with the responsibility of the follow up. 5. Think carefully before you respond and commit as you cannot be all things to all people. 6. Sometimes you simply have to say "NO." 7. When you drop the ball and forget, call, email or text and extend your apologies. This shows respect and that you value the person and is good business etiquette. The bottom line is we need to remember an old phrase used many times in business, "Under promise and over deliver. Little things really do matter when you are dealing with people...BEintentional with what you say and do!  By Michelle Porchia There are some topics that people are uncomfortable discussing. One of them is getting your “affairs” in order. People see it as talking about death or as a “dark” subject. Having gone through and still going through trying to handle the affairs of my parents, my hope is that this gentle urging will help you and/or your family members to have a less stressful journey if you ever have to deal with illness. If you are over 18, you need to have your papers in order. As you continue your journey in life, you will need to add or update your documents.
I have had many people respond, “I have a will.” That is good and everyone needs a will. Wills are for after the person passes on. I’m talking about making sure you are taken care of while you are alive and that your loved ones have an easier time. Please understand, I am not a legal expert. Full disclosure: I am a daughter that has had to deal with illness of parents and having to handle their affairs. It was easy with my mother because she had everything in order. It has not been easy with my dad. I don’t want my daughters/granddaughters to have to stress or struggle if I become ill or incapacitated. Documents You Will Need At Some Point in Your Life:
Peace! -Michelle By Michelle Porchia  Now that the hustle and bustle of holiday shopping, visiting, stressing and overeating is over, what do you do with yourself?
Are you a person who makes New Year’s resolutions that rarely get fulfilled? Do you have angst over the fact that you overspent for the holidays and now you are facing the bills from all the gifts you bought? Are you already thinking about next Christmas (you know who you are)? Do you have high hopes for a better 2019? Before we address some specific issues, let’s look at some overall skills that will help you enter 2019 in a good space. First, INHALE/EXHALE. Secondly, be still. Third, reflect. It is important that you breathe. Inhale peace and exhale stress. We tend to breathe shallow and breathing is life to our body. So take time to breathe fully and completely. You breathe from your diaphragm, not your chest. Let it in slowly. Let it out slowly. You need to be intentional about taking time to breathe daily. Really! If you want to know how important breathing is, ask someone who is asthmatic or has breathing issues what it feels like not to be able to take a full breath. We are told to “be still.” You’ve heard me say this before. We’ve become human doers and we were created as human beings. We need to learn to simply BE. We need to remember to stop and to be still. Yet we feel living is about being in constant motion. Not so. Try this exercise: Turn out the lights, light a candle or use a battery-operated candle, and just be still. Focus on the flame. Listen to your inner voice – your inner spiritual voice. Try this for at least 5 minutes. Reflect. Try journaling your thoughts. How was 2018 for you? What went well and what would you have liked to have done differently? Did you spend time with the people who are important to you – including YOU? Did you spend your time when and where you wanted? This is also where you can address the questions above. Don’t beat up on yourself. Simply listen as you reflect, access and then decide “now what?” My suggestions for 2019:
Here’s to a happy, healthy and peaceful 2019! Adapted from How To Move On After The Holidays (2012)  You'll enhance your courage and confidence in these encore blog posts from the Ebony Speakers. Happy Reading!Debra Gould
You Survived The Pink Slip...Now What?? http://www.ebonyspeakers.com/ebony-speakers-blog/you-survived-the-pink-slipnow-what Michelle Porchia Tis The Season...Or Not http://www.ebonyspeakers.com/ebony-speakers-blog/tis-the-seasonor-not Carole Copeland Thomas The History of Watch Night Services In The Black Church http://www.ebonyspeakers.com/ebony-speakers-blog/the-history-of-watch-night-services-in-the-black-church Nancy Lewis Seven Steps For Developing A Better YOU! http://www.ebonyspeakers.com/ebony-speakers-blog/seven-steps-for-developing-a-better-you |
Book Debra, Michelle, Nancy or Carole for your next speaking engagement or training event.
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